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The Impractical Effects

The Impractical Effects

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Comedic Monologue originally from 20/20 Vision
Originally performed by Owen Edward

Comedic / Male (open gender) 

The speaker recounts a funeral where calamity ensues when the pallbearers fail to hold up the coffin correctly


I was expecting the worst thing to be the funeral itself. It was every cliche you could imagine. It was cold, rainy, miserable. I was soaked before we had even carried the casket twenty feet. I was probably the youngest pallbearer by a good thirty years. Luckily my uncle wasn’t a large man, or they probably wouldn’t have made it either. But the rain made the ground slippery. Too slippery.

We barely made it twenty feet before the men started to slip and slide. It was slight at first, but I think we all knew we were in trouble when Jeffries could barely stand in the first place. Long story short, Johnson was the first to go.

He was worried about his pants, but that didn’t stop the others from following suit. One by one they fell, collapsing under the sudden and unexpected weight that had suddenly shifted onto their shoulders. Each of them face-planting into the muck as I quickly realized that I was the only one still holding on. Gravity took it from there. 

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