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The Ferret Monologue

The Ferret Monologue

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Comedic Monologue originally from 20/20 Questions
Originally performed by Naomi Peltz

Comedic / Female

The speaker wrings into the person who wronged them when their idea was stolen


I feel betrayed. I just want you to know that I’m hurt, and I’m upset, and I don’t think that
what you did was right. That was my script. You had no right to take my ferret idea and
turn it into something so childish and preposterous. The idea was solid, which is why I
told you — but had I known that you would use it to write something so trivial and
upsetting, then I never would have let you do it.

I mean, who gave you permission to write my idea, anyway? I know I told you about it
forever ago, but I never said specifically that you should write it. I never went to you and
said that this was something you should do. In fact, I told you that one day we would write
it together. And then you just go and decide to write it all yourself? What do you think that
makes you? Some kind of hero? No. You’re just the guy who stole the ferret monologue. 

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